lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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