So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize