We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
