1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Michael Bay diarrhea
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
