It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
