not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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