if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
