That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
