we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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