please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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