fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
