we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
