I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
