Plan B is the new Plan A
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Congratulations! We have a period
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