Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
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