I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The power of my boobs compel you
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
