what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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