Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
