I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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