I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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