I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
