Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
either way he was missing a nipple.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
