I'm jealous of your bromance
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
