I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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