i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
