hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
