It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
