she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
