if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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