just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
