He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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