so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
