she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
