so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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