Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
