I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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