My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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