Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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