I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
