So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
