good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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