Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
