I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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