Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
