fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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