That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
