I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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