now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
