took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
