Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
