I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
