i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
