theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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