The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize