i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
