I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
