i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
