Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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