my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
