I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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