well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Duck Duck Cougar?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
