I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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