you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
