And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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