I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
