Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
