could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
