I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
