a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
