Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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