My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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