Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
