we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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