wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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