I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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