sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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