you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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