No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
