mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
