the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
