I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
