When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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