two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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