May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
