my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
