Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
