dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
